His Secret Obsession is an extremely popular relationship guide for women.
What does a 33-year-old man who writes about relationships and psychology for a living think of His Secret Obsession?
Is it really worth your time and money?
Read my epic His Secret Obsession review to find out.
Note: There are several different versions of His Secret Obsession. To be clear, this is the original and the best. This is the version that I have read and that I am testing here.
What is His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is a new relationship guide from bestselling author James Bauer. It helps women to be in a committed, passionate and long-term relationship with the man they love.
The main idea of the book is that women should tap into their man's hero instinct.
The hero's instinct boils down to men wanting to live meaningful lives and be respected for their efforts. The hero instinct is amplified when it comes to relationships – men want to be a hero for the women they love and care about.
The key thing to understand about Hero Instinct is this:
A man will be attracted to any woman who makes him feel like his everyday hero and will be hesitant to commit when he doesn't feel like one.
His Secret Obsession gives you the words, phrases, and text messages to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
Why you can trust this review
I understand how difficult it is to find credible reviews online. It's important to know that what you're reading is genuine, especially if it's something you're planning to pay for.
This is why I only recommend or give my opinion on products that I have personally tried and tested.
I was interested in checking out His Secret Obsession because I give relationship advice for making a living. I'm always on the lookout for useful products or guides to recommend to my readers.
At the end of the review, you will know exactly what to expect from His Secret Obsession and if it can be useful for your relationship.
Who Is His Secret Obsession For?
The short answer is:
Any woman who wants to understand her man and conquer his heart.
But that's a very broad spectrum, so let's look at who exactly will make good use of this eBook:
- Women who want to win the interest of a man they like
- Women who want to take a friendship to the next level
- Women who want to move from dating their man to a committed relationship
- Women whose partner seems indifferent or emotionally distant
- Women who don't want to accept only a mediocre relationship, but who want the best
- Women who want attention, love and respect from their man.
But above all, it is for women who are ready to try.
It's not the type of relationship book where your problems will be solved overnight.
You have to be ready to put in the effort and follow the different signals and phrases. And sometimes that means waiting for the right moment or adapting the phrases to suit your man and your situation.
What's inside the book
His Secret Obsession breaks down into 3 main parts:
The first part focuses on how the hero's instinct works
Part two reveals the practical things you can do to trigger his Hero Instinct
A bonus towards the end of the book are texting formulas that you can start sending your
the man right away.
The book includes 17 modules that really break down the psychology of the Hero Instinct, then give specific tips and strategies for triggering it in your man.
James Bauer reveals the words you can use, the phrases you can say, and the little requests you can make to trigger that natural male instinct.
The book itself is 217 pages.
Signals and their uses
Throughout the book, you will come across different signals that differ according to their purpose. For example, while one cue is about getting your guy to open up to you, another might be focused on getting his unwavering interest and attention.
Here's a quick breakdown of the main signals:
- The "I owe you" signal
One of the reasons the hero instinct is so effective on men is that it targets their desire to feel useful.
This signal and the phrases included are ideal whether you are at the beginning of a relationship or for years. It's the ultimate way to make a man feel wanted and important in the relationship.
And it's as easy as asking for help - James Bauer makes it easy to do by presenting model phrases to use for each of the signals.
The “private island” signal
This signal is about how your man sees you. If you want him to think of you as the woman of his life, with whom he will spend the rest of his life, the phrase "private island" will do the trick.
It is best used if you are dating a man or are in a relationship with a man who seems insecure about you.
Whether he's commitment-phobic or he's undecided whether you're "the one" for him, it will make him see you in a whole new light.
3. The “X-ray issue”
To use the Hero Instinct effectively, you must first discover your man's dreams and desires. What he wants for his life and what he is really looking for in a partner.
But many men withdraw from the idea of a deep, intimate conversation that could leave them vulnerable. With x-ray questions, he will open up in no time and you will understand who he is and what he wants.
4. The "ex-back" signal
As the name suggests, this signal is all about getting your ex back.
In fact, it's as simple as using 12 words, cleverly crafted to grab his attention and keep it. It's useful if you just broke up or have been pining for him for a while now, but probably less effective if you broke up years ago.
It is also useful if you are "on a break" and want to reconcile with your partner.
5. The phrase "overview"
Part of winning a man's heart is actually showing him who you really are, deep inside and without shame.
The phrase "insight" is designed to help her see what a future with you would look like. By seeing the real you, he can begin to imagine what life together will be like, further sparking his interest and commitment.
6. The “damsel in distress” signal
Deep down, men want to protect and provide for those they love. They also want to feel admired and respected by the woman they love.
This is why the "damsel in distress" signal is an important factor in the hero's instinct. It's not about playing the victim or acting incapable of inflating your ego.
It's about giving it a purpose and a role in your life. This signal is essential for anyone who wants their man to feel valued.
As soon as he is triggered, he will do everything in his power to rise to the occasion and be the partner you need and deserve.
7. The Secret “Currency” of Happy Relationships
This signal is all about injecting “emotional currency” into your relationship.
Instead of waiting for happiness to come when he finally gets that new job, or when you've finished renovating the house, you can create a happy relationship no matter what's going on outside.
At the heart of it, this signal is all about showing genuine appreciation to your man. Doing so will trigger his inner-hero and his desire to contribute even more to the relationship.
8. The “silent action” signals
These are signals that, as their name suggests, do not need words. By simply using your body language and interaction, you can send powerful messages.
It's perfect if there's someone you're watching and want to get their attention or want to let them know you're interested in them.
9. The "fascination" signal
If you want him to be fascinated with you when you're together and apart, this cue will plant you in his mind for good.
It's great for new relationships, taking a friendship to the next level, and for relationships that have lost their spark.
The signal uses psychology to make your man emotionally attached to you, causing him to always see you and think more like "we" than "I."
James Bauer gives you certain phrases that can be used for each signal, and it's up to you to adapt them to suit your relationship.
The cues are subtle and easy enough to weave into the conversation without it being obvious to your guy that you're using Hero Instinct on him.
And while you may benefit from some and not others, a lot will depend on what you hope to change/improve in your relationship.
In this sense, it helps that there are a number of signals to choose from.
The hero instinct: What do I think about it?
The Hero Instinct is a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.
I know firsthand how important it is for everyone, men and women, to live a meaningful life and dedicate themselves to what is important to them.
However, James Bauer takes the search for meaning one step further by applying it specifically to how men approach dating and relationships.
James argues that men are actually quite simplistic.
The only thing men want is to feel like heroes. He argues that it is in our primordial nature to provide for women, to protect them and to feel essential for them.
After thinking about this for a while, I think there's a lot of truth to that.
Men want to take over for women and win her love and affection in return.
Because when it comes to deciding whether to get into a relationship (or stay in it), men care less about your qualities – what you look like, how funny you are, or if you're a firecracker. in bed.
What really matters to us is how the relationship makes us feel about ourselves.
I very much identify with the way James Bauer describes men and what we need.
But the desire for meaning, respect and providing for the needs of the woman who is dear to us is common to all men, myself included.
Is His Secret Obsession Worth it?
I'll unpack how much His Secret Obsession costs and its pros and cons in more detail below.
However, you probably want to know straight away if the book is worth it for you.
I read a lot of dating books. While I need to offer my readers as many unique perspectives as possible, I also need to filter out genuinely helpful approaches to finding love from gimmicks that just don't work.
It wasn't until a short stint in His Secret Obsession that I began to resonate with the central theme: that men have the instinct to stand up for women and be a hero to them.
Because of political correctness, it may seem that we have passed all that is "primal instinct".
However, we really haven’t. Men are still men. And we’re still driven by the same instincts we’ve always had.
The best thing about His Secret Obsession for me is that I discovered new ideas, tips and strategies that I had never encountered before.
Everything in the book is based on practical male psychology and how to harness it to improve your own relationship.
If you want to improve your love life in 2021 and be in a deep and passionate relationship with the man you love, I think His Secret Obsession is definitely worth it.
How much does His Secret Obsession cost?
His Secret Obsession costs $47. The price includes the 200+ page main e-book, workbook, and bonus materials.
Now $47 for a book may raise some eyebrows. It certainly costs more than a pot of yogurt. However, James Bauer has put a lot of work into this book and the accompanying resources so that I can understand the price.
I also noticed that a few websites are selling copies of the book on the black market.
To make sure To get an original copy that includes all bonus items, along with your 60-day money-back guarantee, always get it from the official website.
Rachel and the 12-word text
An interesting part of the book is when you meet Rachel.
You will be introduced to her at the beginning of the book.
Rachel is one of James Bauer's favorite clients who was struggling in his relationship. Not wanting to appear tacky, she stayed back. But there was radio silence as her man did not text or call back.
Sound familiar?
So Rachel contacted James Bauer, her relationship coach.
He gave her a 12-word text to use on her boyfriend. Soon he returned to Rachel.
While James was happy with the result, he wasn't happy that he only helped one woman. He knew he could help others who were going through a similar situation. It was then that he decided to write His Secret Obsession.
In the book, James Bauer reveals that exact 12-word text that sparked the hero instinct in his boyfriend.
About James Bauer
James Bauer is a bestselling author and popular relationship coach.
He started out as a trained psychologist and later became a professional relationship coach. Over the past 12 years, he has worked with thousands of men and women to help them strengthen their relationships.
By carefully studying their cases, James Bauer discovered what he believes to be the secret to deep, passionate and lasting relationships: the hero instinct.
Her approach is based on her own personal experience as a therapist and her research in human psychology.
James distilled all of this knowledge into his most recent book, His Secret Obsession.
What I love most about him is that he doesn't claim to be a dating "guru".
James Bauer is simply describing simple truths based on male psychology and his own experience of working with women and men over the past 12 years.
The pros of His Secret Obsession
As with any book, there were things I really liked about His Secret Obsession and a few things that weren't as good.
Let's start with the good.
The only dating book you'll ever need. With over 200 pages and a slew of bonus materials, you have absolutely everything you need to succeed in your relationship. I learned a lot about how women should approach dating and relationships, and surprisingly, I also learned a few things about myself.
Everything is practical. Throughout his book, James Bauer talks about the things women can do to trigger a man's hero instinct. You will learn the exact phrases, texts and small requests you can make. Remember James Bauer has worked with countless clients over the past 12 years and seen firsthand how his techniques work with real couples.
The methods are research-based. His claims are supported by the latest research in psychology. For example, every time he explained why a man wants to feel like a protector or how a woman "pretending" you are a trick for a guy, it's backed up by evidence. Although there were a few times when I thought something wasn't always working on me, the reasoning behind it was always compelling.
Easy to download. Because His Secret Obsession is an e-book, you don't have to wait to receive it in the mail. You can start reading it immediately.
Money-back guarantee. Not everyone will like every dating guide, but with this one, there's no risk. With a 60-day money-back guarantee, there really is nothing to lose.
The cons of His Secret Obsession
As much as I enjoyed reading the book, it's not perfect. Here are its drawbacks.
The layout of the book can be a bit tricky to navigate. There are clear sections with phrases and signals, but some of these are also woven throughout the early parts of the eBook. By the end of the book, however, the message still came through loud and clear.
You must read the entire eBook. It's not the type of book where you can just skip sections or read quickly. The early parts of the eBook lay the foundation for the techniques and signals that will come later, so some concentration is required.
Some theories could have been explained in more detail. If you really want to understand the psychology behind what Bauer explains, the lack of detail in some of the theories he mentions might seem a bit short and superficial.
It's only on eBook/audio. For some people, a real book is a paperback. But His Secret Obsession is only available by eBook and audiobook. I read the e-book cover to cover, but I also have to listen to the audiobook. The voice was calm and confident.
Price. For an eBook, the $47 price tag is more than most. Although it's not a ton of money, it's still something you need to consider.
Are there any alternatives you should consider?
If you want to take a look at other alternatives before buying His Secret Obsession, here are a few you might want to consider:
Text Chemistry vs. His Secret Obsession
Text Chemistry is a dating program designed by dating and relationship coach Amy North to capture a man's attention and build chemistry.
Amy offers her readers a modern and practical approach to dating with catchy texts. All of these texts have "hook-ups" that you can use in different situations.
Text Chemistry costs $49.95, which includes 4 e-books and a 13-part video series.
His Secret Obsession focuses on harnessing a man's hero instinct and how you can leverage that information to get a man to fully commit to you. In contrast, Text Chemistry is all about getting men's attention through conversations on your cell phone. These tips can be especially effective when you're miles apart.
What is the best?
If you want to understand what men really want from a woman, then you'll get more for His Secret Obsession. James Bauer also includes a chapter in his texting book, which covers similar territory to Amy North's program.
Look at it this way - it's always wise to know your enemy before you engage in battle.
The Devotion System vs. His Secret Obsession
Another popular relationship program is The Devotion System, also created by Amy North.
The 3-part program begins by addressing your insecurities and accepting the baggage you carry from your past relationships. Next, he discusses the different types of men and the misconceptions about how they think. Finally, it dives into ways to build and improve your relationship at any stage.
For $48.25, you will receive a total of 4 e-books, a 13-part video training series, and a 3-part adaptive quiz system.
The devotional system is for you if you feel you need to think things through before focusing on your man and nurturing your relationship.
If you feel like you're already more self-aware and want a more in-depth program on the inner workings of man and how to trigger his desires, I think you'll get more out of His Secret Obsession.
Make Him Worship You vs. His Secret Obsession
Make Him Worship You is written by relationship and sexuality psychology expert Michael Fiore.
The 6-module series delves into the brutal truth about societal pressures and men's emotional needs. By breaking down common misunderstandings and beliefs about men, it gives you specific approaches to communicate better with them.
Make Him Worship You is only $37, which is cheaper than most e-books and relationship programs.
His Secret Obsession and Make Him Worship You are similar in that they both focus on what men really want from women.
However, I think His Secret Obsession is the most convenient option. It breaks down the background of how men think and what really drives them in their search for love.
Are there free alternatives to His Secret Obsession?
Let's face it: His Secret Obsession isn't exactly cheap.
If you're looking for free dating and relationship advice, there are some great online resources to consider.
A popular website you can visit is Psychology Today. They publish expert-level content on mental health and behavioral sciences, and they even have a section dedicated to relationships.
PsychCentral is another website with articles written by medical professionals. While most of its content is about mental disorders, there is a relationship section that gives a good insight into how men behave in relationships.
Of course, you can also learn a lot about building positive relationships on my own website, Hack Spirit. We've cut the grain to give you simple advice on improving your relationships with others and with yourself.
My verdict: Should you read it?
So after reading the book and writing my review of His Secret Obsession, do I think it's worth it?
There are two things I look for when recommending a new book.
I want it to be stimulating and for me to learn new things
I want it to be VERY convenient. There's no point in gaining a new perspective on something if you can't apply it to everyday life.
James Bauer delivers on both fronts.
Therefore, I think it is well worth the price. $47 isn't pocket change, but I haven't found a dating book as comprehensive or insightful as this one.
His Secret Obsession contains the wisdom of a relationship expert with 12 years of industry experience, plus tips and strategies based on real-world human psychology.
I learned a lot about myself and the things I subconsciously desire as a man, and I can only imagine how helpful this will be for women too.
If you're struggling to get a man to commit or want a better relationship, His Secret Obsession might just be your secret weapon.
